Hello Everyone,

Given the circumstances we are finding ourselves in it is easy to focus on what we have lost or is challenging right now. Therefore, it is increasingly important for our overall mental health that we bring attention to Gratitude, our ability to recognize what is good in our lives and being thankful for these things.

There has been a lot of research done on the strong connection between regular practices of gratitude and overall mental health.  In fact, recent scientific studies showed regular practices of gratitude were found to benefit multiple areas of one’s health, including one’s mental health, physical health and our ability to interact socially in a positive way.  Moreover, when explorations of gratitude are done in a group setting they can promote connection between individuals, as well as feelings of empathy.

Gratitude journals are an excellent way of engaging with this practice. As well, regular expressions of gratitude done as a family at meal time or before bed are a great way to connect to family members and check in with each other.

30 day gratitude challenge

Gratitude Prompt Cards

WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITY – This month Family Smart is again providing a FREE online workshop for parents in Burnaby on Tuesday, November 17th @ 6:30pm. This months subject is:

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For registration please register here

Thank you and I hope you all have a great week.

Hello everyone,

This week I was reminded of this quote, which I love.

 “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” – Viktor Frankl

Frankl is speaking about self-regulation, but he is also speaking about developing a positive personal identity as well as our personal growth and learning. We often talk about self-regulation, the ability to manage one’s behaviours, emotions and thoughts, as skills our children are developing. However, how often, as parents, are we finding ourselves dysregulated? Self-regulation is a developing skill for all ages and can be understood as four distinct steps.

Step 1 – Sensing How we Feel. How do we know how we feel in a given situation? How does, for example, nervous feel in our body? Angry? Happy? Can we recognize this sensation in our bodies in differing situations?

Step 2 – Pausing – Here is that space/time before we choose our next actions that Frankl is speaking about. It requires reflection and mindfulness strategies. It is also very hard. We may recognize times when we, or others, didn’t allow for a pause but reacted quickly and instinctually. Were our actions bringing us closer to being our best selves? Often not. Was acting quickly helpful in solving the problem? Again, often not. Taking a break before problem solving, a couple deep breathes, or even counting often buys us the time and space  that we require to reflect and be our best selves in any emotionally charged situation.

Step 3 – See your Best Self. How would my best self act in this situation? Establishing who our best self is, and having this as a goal is critical. It gives us an anchor point, a framework, for our decision making. Who do you want to be? We can’t always be perfect or our best self and that is okay. But being mindful of our goal can bring us closer to achieving this goal in many situations. As we practice, we may make mistakes and that’s okay, but we will also get better at being our best in most situations.

Step 4 – Develop a Plan and Act. With our goals in mind, and some mindful time and space we can now act on our plan……………and then reflect. Did it work? What went well? What didn’t go as well as I would have hoped? What would I do different next time? In this reflection is where we learn and grow.

Self-regulation as a parent and as a child is hard.  However, working together with our children models best practices for them and allows for safety in this learning. Practicing these four steps and making this practice visible to our kids is a powerful teaching strategy, and it also brings us closer to being our best self while parenting.

Hello Everyone,

One question I am frequently asked is about the idea of ‘self-care’. What do we do when we notice we are not at our best (eg. feeling unmotivated/sad or overly stressed). There is often a desire to get proactive, in order for these feelings not to deepen or get ‘stuck’. Self-care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health. These actions, our individual self-care routines, may look a little different as we all have different preferences and sensibilities. However, the critical point is taking action in positive and healthy ways, as opposed to using unhealthy strategies.

Unhealthy and maladaptive strategies might look like, for example, increased use of alcohol or an increase in ‘comfort foods’. However, the use of these ‘strategies’ inhibits our connections to our internal emotional states and leaves us disconnected from external challenges. In other words, the use of alcohol or other substances masks our internal feelings, as opposed to bringing us more connected to these feelings and thus better equipped to meet these challenges.

Self-care tips and ideas are easily found online and can be adapted to your own personal preferences and sensibilities. Some are located here.

Today, I wanted to connect you with a resource that highlights the importance of one common self-care strategy – Exercise.

Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain

A groundbreaking and fascinating investigation into the transformative effects of exercise on the brain, from the bestselling author and renowned psychiatrist John J. Ratey, MD.

Did you know you can beat stress, lift your mood, fight memory loss, sharpen your intellect, and function better than ever simply by elevating your heart rate and breaking a sweat? The evidence is incontrovertible: Aerobic exercise physically remodels our brains for peak performance.

In SPARK, John J. Ratey, M.D., embarks upon a fascinating and entertaining journey through the mind-body connection, presenting startling research to prove that exercise is truly our best defense against everything from depression to ADD to addiction to aggression to menopause to Alzheimer’s. Filled with amazing case studies (such as the revolutionary fitness program in Naperville, Illinois, which has put this school district of 19,000 kids first in the world of science test scores), SPARK is the first book to explore comprehensively the connection between exercise and the brain. It will change forever the way you think about your morning run—or, for that matter, simply the way you think.

Spark is available from your local library or most online book retailers. Better yet, it is also available as an audio book so you can listen while going for a walk/hike, run or whatever ‘sparks’ your joy and gets your body moving.

Hello Everyone,

This week I would love to bring your attention to the latest FREE workshop offering from Family Smart’s ‘In the Know’ series.

PARENTING WHEN OUR KIDS CAN’T GO TO SCHOOL – Parenting when our kids won’t (or can’t) go to school is hard for everyone; mental health challenges can be what is creating the barrier to them attending. This is hard and complex – we talk about the pieces we have some control over, remembering how much relationships matter, and who we can look to for support.

This workshop is free of charge and will be held online on  Friday, October 23, 2020 at 6:30 PM

Registration required – HERE

FS_ITK_Poster_2020.10.23-Bby.JNWest.JRich-sess6

Hello Everyone,

Parenting during COVID-19 is challenging. Largely this is due to there being fewer supports available. Social opportunities for both adults and kids are not as easily done as we physically distance. As well, people who support you and your children (grandparents, family, friends etc.) are not able to spend time with your children and relieve some pressures, or provide time and respite . Consequently, we are spending increased time with family in our homes and while there are many opportunities for building family relationships, pressures and family tensions can increase.

This week I would like to highlight a podcast produced by the Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre.

Dr. Ashley Miller is a Child and Family Psychologist at BC Children’s Hospital. As part of her work, Dr. Miller runs support groups for teens with depression, and caregiver groups for families. She is a passionate advocate for family and caregiver involvement in the mental health treatment of children and youth. In this podcast she explores some of these parenting challenges and suggests some tips and strategies for parenting children and adolescents during COVID. It is the perfect length for a short commute to work or to listen to during your next workout.

The podcast can be found HERE

Hello Everyone,

When do we need help? It’s an important question. Some challenges or problems are small and we can find solutions ourselves or by soliciting advice from friends and family. However, other problems are more complex and requires more support. When to reach out for assistance is a question you may be struggling with.

We often feel like we should wait and it’s not until we are feeling overwhelmed and we get to a ‘crisis’ that we reach out for professional support. Sometimes the quick arrival of a crisis situation is unavoidable, however, often when we think back this problem or challenge has been simmering for a while. We may have tried a few things to address it, or maybe we thought time would be helpful and would present solutions. Sometimes addressing a problem early helps us avoid that feeling of ‘crisis’.

You may be just starting to identify a problem with you or your child’s emotions, a family dynamic that is becoming problematic, or a challenge with school.  However, you may be feeling this is a larger challenge that has been around for a while and continues to grow no matter what you try. Whichever category you find yourself in, there are many programs in our community that may meet your needs. If you would like to have a conversation with me about connecting to the right resources, please do not hesitate to contact me at scott.anderson@burnabyschools.ca,  I would be happy to have a conversation with you.

One organization is Cameray Child and Family Service which offers a variety of programs, including their free counselling services. Their COVID-19 Youth Support Program is also a new program which you may find helpful.

COVID-19 YOUTH SUPPORT PROGRAM

The  COVID-19 Youth Support Program provides free virtual counselling services for youth (up to the age of 21) experiencing anxiety, social isolation, stress, and sadness due to COVID-19.

If you would like more information or would like to register please contact us at 604-436-9449 or email info@cameray.ca

Hello Everyone,

‘How are you doing?’ It’s a question we are often asked many times a day. You may answer ‘fine’ or ‘good’ but the answer is not always that simple. Especially, now.

Given a moment to reflect you may be feeling unmotivated, lethargic, down, uneasy, overwhelmed, anxious and/or angry. It is not unexpected. These unresolved feelings often come up when we experience loss, as part of the grieving process. We are all experiencing some sort of loss these days. It could be, for example, a feeling of loss of previous connections with friends, an inability to do the things that used to spark your joy, a loss of employment, or a loss of freedom and safety, We are grieving this loss and not only does this bring up some of the feelings listed above, but it can also be exhausting.

I encourage you to take a moment and reflect back on our original question – How are you actually doing?

I want to take this opportunity, two weeks into the school year, to recognize this loss we are feeling.  Furthermore, I want to focus in on how we re-charge ourselves when we are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, as there are opportunities hidden in this difficult time.

SELF-CARE OPPORTUNITIES

→ CONNECTION – as humans we need social connections, it’s one of our basic needs.  Even if you’re feeling tired, withdrawn or overwhelmed, reach out to a friend or family member for a phone call or a walk and it will help you feel better.

→  MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF–  find some “me” time, doing what brings us calm and joy.  It may be meditating, yoga, a walk, run or bike ride, reading a book, having a bath, writing or painting etc.  Take time to do something that sparks your joy.

→ LET GO OF JUDGMENT – Judgement is often unsettling.  Especially during the pandemic there is a lot of judgment – who is wearing a mask and who isn’t, who is physically distancing, and who isn’t etc.  Some things are within our control and some are out of our control. A focus on what is within your own circle of control can often be helpful.

→ FOCUS ON GRATITUDE – A shift of focus from what we feel we have lost to what we feel thankful for also shifts our emotions. Keep a gratitude journal, create a dinner-time ritual of every family member saying what they are feeling grateful for or just say it to yourself throughout the day.  Despite all the challenges that 2020 has brought, it has also brought us a deep sense of appreciation for things that we may well have taken for granted pre-pandemic.

→ NAME YOUR FEELINGS –   Talk about your feelings with a partner, friend, or counsellor.  Check in with yourself frequently. A genuine and honest exploration of the question “How am I doing?” can lead you to reflect on what needs to be done so that you can be your best self during this difficult time.

Wishing you all the best this week!

Scott

Adapted from Sharon Selby

Hello Everyone,

The first week of back to school is almost in the books. What stood out for me this week was how happy kids were to be back at school with their friends, learning and having fun.

This week I wanted to draw your attention to some free parenting programs being offered this fall from Burnaby Family Life. These programs are free of charge and will be held online during Covid-19 to promote physical distancing. Of note is the popular, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) program.

Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (“STEP”) is a program for parents of children older than 4 years old. Learn about different parenting styles and approaches to better understand:

• Why children misbehave and how to respond, when to intervene in sibling rivalry and when to ignore misbehaviour,

• How to use effective discipline to establish and maintain boundaries,

• How to use communication to build respect and cooperation to encourage the development of your child as a positive, contributing member of your family.

All their programs are first come first serve and you can register for them at the link provided below.

Happy September!

I wanted to welcome everyone back to school, in whatever way that looks for you and your family. September is always a time of excitement and a bit of apprehension about the unknown. Excitement to be back at school but also filled with questions. Who will be my new teacher, will I be in a class with my friends, what is this grade going to be like? It is a time of change and change can be difficult.

I think that this is especially true this year as we navigate Covid-19 and the start up to the school year. Parents and caregivers may also have some questions about what this school year might look like. I am excited to be working with you all again, to  build some exciting and fun programs for your kids, help navigate these challenges and questions, and solve the problems that invariably creep up……together. 

I am attaching the following resource to help with some of our students who might be having some big feelings and might be missing caregivers. Below you will find some ideas on how to help students get really excited for the school year and to help ease any anxiety they might be feeling being away from their caregivers.

As always if you are needing any support please don’t hesitate to be in touch with me at scott.anderson@burnabyschools.ca.  I am really looking forward to a great school year!

Separation Anxiety

Hello Everyone,

I am wishing you all a wonderful, relaxing, and healthy summer. This may look like enjoying sunnier weather, tackling outdoor projects, connecting with family and friends, and/or reconnecting with ourselves in whatever way that is meaningful to you. I wish you all the best and I will be excited to see you all in September.

All the best,

Scott Anderson