Continuing from my last blog post, I wanted to share a great opportunity for caregivers in our community. The Burnaby School District is offering a parent information night on how to support our children building healthy digital habits. They will be offering this opportunity on 4 different dates so that parents have the opportunity join us. So, if you would like to attend pick which date and location you would like and register using the link below.
This evening is for parents and families who are looking for practical ways to support their children with the healthy use of technology. We will be discussing the topics of:
The impact of technology on social connections for children
Safe practices when using social media and digital tools
Healthy ways to develop balance with technology
Register for a presentation by clicking on the options here
As always if you are struggling to help your children build a healthy relationship with technology, I would be happy to speak to you about some strategies and resources.
Over the past few weeks I have had a few conversations with parents about screen time and how to help our children, not only become good citizens of our community, but good digital citizens as well. So, I thought I would put forward a few thoughts on this very big topic.
Screen time is increasing among all segments of our population, not just children, but children often are still developing the control and self-awareness to limit their actions and time online. In some cases, it is our only way to connect socially to others or have relaxing time. Screens can also be a strategy for managing our children. However, here are a few statistics related to kids and screen time that I found surprising and jarring.
Some statistics that stood out for me here are that only 8% of students in our community are meeting the recommended screen time limits, under 2 hours a day. Second, is the average recreational screen time among youth in our community is a whopping 5.6 hours/day. The question that came up for me is what are the effects of this screen use on our children.
Positive Effects
First, and often less talked about, are the positive effects of screen use. During the pandemic we have become more reliant on screens for not only our jobs but kids are using them for school more frequently or to connect with friends. The positive effects of screens are significant and crucially important, especially to our children.
Missed Opportunities
Viewing screens (tv/movies) in a group, social/online gaming, and social media activities present us, and our children, with many positive experiences. However, while viewing screens we are also missing out on other opportunities such as physical activities. face to face interactions including connecting to family, reading, outdoor time, art activities such as drawing, or even managing boredom (an overlooked skill).
It is sometimes helpful to think of screen time and social media use like our diet. What are we consuming? Just like with food our digital diet can be nutritious or junk food. Having a treat is fine on occasion but we need to have a balance of experiences (food). If all we do is eat junk food we are going to start feeling terrible and our bodies are not going to be at their best. The same goes for screens. If we have a lot of screen time in a day we are can feel equally bad and our bodies will certainly not be at their best.
Digital Citizenship
Our children’s online activities need to be monitored by care givers at home. They need to know that as their caregiver who is responsible for them and cares about their well-being that you will periodically be monitoring their device and activities (who they are talking to, what they are saying and doing, and what they are watching and reading online). They also need to have restrictions placed on what sites they visit and what they can do on those sites. This sounds like a lot, but it is critically important. The good news is that most devices, sites or platforms have tools to help parents. For example, devices can limit not only screen time on their settings but also what content the user can access. If you would like some help with setting up your child’s device with these restrictions, there are many sites online that offer helpful tips and how-to. I can also help if you would like assistance.
If you are unsure what your child is consuming online or what they are up to. I would encourage you to have an open conversation with your child and watch or play online with your child so that you can learn what activities your child is engaged in.
Resources
Looking for tips for limiting screens and gaming in your household? Click HERE
Wondering when a good time for my child to get a phone?
Social Media and its affects on your Mental Health
Positive Effects of Social Media
As humans, social interaction is vital to our psychological well-being. When we cannot see the people we love in person, social media gives us the tools to stay connected. For youth, social media plays a significant and important part in their social lives. While these platforms cannot fully replace face-to-face interaction, social media can provide a number of positive benefits.
Screen time can:
Provide emotional support during difficult situations
Raise awareness of important issues and advocate for social change
Create social connections when you can’t access them in person
Engage in creative self-expression
Network with people who have similar interests to you
Find new friends and communities to connect with
Problematic effects of Social Media
While social media platforms do provide some benefits, they can also have draw backs. Current trends and research suggest that there may be a strong connection between social media and mental health conditions. Some of these include:
Negative Self-Perception
When people post on social media, they typically share the highlights of their lives. However, when all we see on our feeds are positive experiences and achievements, we can feel worse about ourselves. These highly-edited highlights of other peoples’ lives can directly impact our self-esteem, resulting in a negative self-perception.
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
While FOMO is a common phenomenon that we experience on and offline, social media can exacerbate these feelings of exclusion and envy. On social media we often may see people at parties and events, hanging out with friends, or taking exotic trips — leading us to believe that others lead better or more fun lives. FOMO can be very harmful to our mental health, resulting in lower self-esteem and higher anxiety levels.
Loneliness and Isolation
Although social media platforms are full of people, social media platforms may make you feel more alone than ever. High social media usage increases feelings of isolation and loneliness, and reducing social media use can decrease them. Focusing on face-to-face interaction with the people around you may improve your overall well-being.
Depression and Anxiety
Depression and anxiety are common mood disorders that affect millions of people. Research suggests that there may be a correlation between time spent using social media and depression and anxiety symptoms.
Some Signs Social Media Is Affecting Your Mental Health
Everyone uses social media and screens differently, however, using these platforms should not make you feel unhappy or anxious. If you log off feeling worse about yourself than before you started scrolling, your feeds may be impacting your mental health — and you may want to reduce your screen time. Some signs of social media affecting your mental health are:
You Feel Sad, Drained, or Stressed after use
You Constantly Compare Yourself to Others
You Find It Difficult to Stay Off Social Media
‘Likes’ Directly Impact Your Self-Esteem
Tips for Improving Your Relationship with Social Media
Refine your feeds (What are you consuming? Does it enrich your life?)
Limit daily usage
Create no-phone zones or times in your house (this should apply to ALL family members)
Take a break from social media
How do you know when your child’s digital diet is not healthy?
Is your child staying up later and later to stay on the computer/device?
Is your child fidgety, anxious and/or angry if they don’t have their device?
Is their tech usage negatively impacting their schoolwork, family life or other activities or interests?
Is your child dreaming of virtual imagery?
Is your child hiding their screen usage or hiding their devices from you?
Does your child seem to be having a more difficult time regulating their emotions?
Does your child seem more apathetic and bored more easily?
Is your child aggressive when the device is removed?
Is your child participating in unsafe behaviors online?
Every child is different and each have unique needs and tolerances, including tolerances for screen time. But if you are finding the answers to the above questions are ‘yes’, it may be worth reviewing your family screen time policy. In the end the goal may be to restore a healthy balance of activities in your family. Consult with a mental health expert if you feel like you need some help refining your families digital diet.
The Burnaby School District is hosting a Parent Information Night on February 22nd, 2024 from 6:30 to 8:00pm. This valuable workshop on youth and substance use will be both in-person and have a virtual option available for your convenience.
This has been an annual presentation in partnership with Shiara Dhillon, Burnaby Family Life, Fraser Health, and Odyssey and might be of interest to many of our families. If you would like to register for this workshop please contact Shiara Dhillon at shiara.dhillon@burnabyschools.ca. As always if you have any questions or concerns please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Happy September Everyone and Welcome (back) to School!
The first days of the school year are exciting ones. However, it can also include some other feelings too, like anxiousness, anger, or even sadness. For some, it may be their first year in school. Many children also have some feelings of nervousness to go along with the excitement of a new school year. Who will be my teacher? Will I have my friends in my class? Will this next grade be hard? All of these are common and valid questions. The tough thing can be that excitement and nervousness sometimes feels very similar in our bodies. In some cases the nervous feelings drown out the exciting thoughts and feelings, even to the extent of causing a child to feel reluctant to go to school.
What Are The Signs and Symptoms of School Anxiety?
Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between run-of-the-mill worries about the first day of school and stronger anxiety that might need some extra help to overcome. Many times your child will tell you about their feelings. However, kids can sometimes not be as vocal about their anxiety, and their symptoms may be more body-based. Here are a few clues to look out for if you think your child might be struggling with school anxiety:
Headaches, upset stomach, or complaints of other physical problems on school mornings
Inconsistent or difficulties sleeping
Frequent physical complaints at school, without a clear illness
Repeated worries about bad things that could happen while at school, such as getting sick
Tantrums, anger, or outright refusal to go to school
Large emotions to situations they traditionally are able to handle (anger, panic attacks etc.)
Anxiety that seems to be more intense or long-lasting than what is usual for the child’s age
One or more of these symptoms might indicate that your child’s worries about school are stronger than they need to be, and they could use some help to move past them.
Tips for Supporting your Child Back to School
The Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre has a recent article that might be helpful. Here are some tips that they have identified that might help you support your child as they return to school, or attend for the first time.
Identify what is still in your control and your child’s control – Focus on what’s in your control, rather than on the unknowns. While we all would prefer certainty, pandemic times are challenging our ‘flexibility’ muscles in addition to our ‘perseverance’ muscles. Practice what you can do in the short term (e.g., the coming days or weeks) and try not to look too far ahead. Focus on practical things that help to keep us all safe – like regular handwashing and staying home when sick – rather than on the ‘what ifs.’
Confidence is key – As a parent, your confidence is an essential part of helping your child transition back to school successfully. Children pick up on our fear! If you find yourself doubting your decision, you might want to try writing down the reasons why you want your child to return to school and review them regularly. And most importantly, remember to communicate this confidence to your child – this will help both you and them keep anxiety in check.
Help your child prepare for school return – There’s actually a lot you can do to help your child prepare for return to school. Practice your routines (for now) and stay flexible. This could include things like going over the home morning routine, practicing the route you’ll take the school, and even doing a practice ‘drop off’ so your child knows what to expect. Have your child meet up with a friend at a park – allow them an opportunity to connect socially again before seeing a friend back at school. Going through these steps a few times before school actually starts will help your child get ‘back in the swing of things.’ It probably isn’t a bad idea for you either! Starting to get your child’s sleep schedule back on a ‘school schedule’ and eating well with regular meals and snacks are also ways you can start to get your child ready for return to school.
Expect some anxiety – Most families are likely experiencing some level of anxiety or stress as they prepare for the return to school. However, if you’re ready for it, your own and your child’s anxiety won’t throw you off as much. Try some mindfulness activities as a family, and get outside together for some family fun when you can. It can also be helpful to practice scenarios with your child to help them know how to manage anxious feelings that may arise (e.g. deep breathing, running around on the playground at recess), and how to tackle challenging situations that may come up once they start school (e.g., if they are wearing a mask outside on the playground at school and their friends are not, practice how they can respond to questions about this).
Reach out for help if you need it – It’s not a sign of failure or weakness to need some help ever – and especially now. So many families are nervous about back to school, and understandably so. Connect with your the administration or counsellors at your child’s school. Also have support networks in place for you as a parent or caregiver. Find a friend who will listen, keep you positive, and lift you up – and you can do the same for them! Social connection is essential for this hard work and we are stronger together.
Additional Thoughts
7. Relationships are critical – Students with strong and trusting relationships with their teachers, as well as friendships with peers, are more likely to want to be at school and view it as a safe place to be. Your child’s teacher will be working hard on developing their relationship with your child. As a parent, you can help your child by facilitating opportunities for your child to make friendships with peers in their class (eg play dates, extra-curriculars etc.)
8. True learning happens in moments of manageable stress – Stress that is not overwhelming (ie mild stress vs Panic attacks) presents people with opportunities to grow and learn beyond their present capabilities. Most students will have some nervous feelings when going through changes like at the beginning of a school year. These are opportunities for growth if these nervous feelings are not overwhelming. If they are larger emotions please let your teacher and/or myself know so that we can come up with additional supports to assist your child.
As always I am here to support your family, as well as your child here at school. Challenges transitioning back to school is one area that I assist with but I work with many children supporting a diversity of mental health needs. If you feel like your child would benefit from some extra support please be in contact with me and we can discuss how we can help your child be successful at school. You can reach me by emailing me at scott.anderson@burnabyschools.ca to arrange a time to speak on the phone, online, or in person.
I look forward to a fun and exciting year filled with learning and growth.
Parenting is an emotional endeavor. Filled with amazing highs and sometimes big challenges. Our kids emotions, and our emotions, can sometimes get in the way and make it difficult to learn and grow as individuals, and as a family. Talking constructively to our kids when big emotions or behaviors appear (ours or theirs) can be very difficult.
The Burnaby District is hosting a parent workshop on Monday June 5th from 6:30 to 8:00pm in person entitled Talking to Your Kids When Things are Hard – Emotion and Behaviour Coaching.
This looks to be a very valuable discussion and if you are interested in attending please contact jocelyn.bryan@burnabyschools.ca
Look forward to seeing you all there and have a wonderful week.
Coming very soon is a valuable opportunity for parents in our community. The Burnaby School District will be holding a parent information night on Wed. May 17th from 6:30-8 in person at Burnaby Central School. The topic will cover information on talking to youth about drugs, alcohol, and addiction. Please note there will also be an online (Zoom) option for those who can not join us in person.
For more information on what will be covered in this session and to register please see the flyer below. I hope everyone has a great week!
This months workshop series from Family Smart is looking like it will be really valuable for many of us. In March they will be hosting a workshop on Digital Wellbeing and Mental Health that is available free of charge to families in Burnaby.
A Conversation for Families about Digital Wellbeing & Mental Health:
As parents it’s not easy to know how much time on technology is too much and how to set boundaries that don’t create conflict. Join us for a conversation with a digital wellbeing expert to learn some practical solutions to our everyday concerns and challenges around our kids’ use of screens and their mental health. Come together with other families to watch this 30 minute video presentation followed by a facilitated discussion by a Family Smart Parent Peer Support
Registration for any of the times listed below can be done here
I am very excited to bring to your attention a series of 8 free60-minute webinars for parents/caregivers who are hoping for practical strategies to manage intense emotions and challenging behaviours. This webinar, put on by the START team at Fraser Health, is intended for parents of children aged 10-18.
Each session will focus on a unique aspect of parenting a young person struggling with new or increasing challenges, some of which may include:
substance use
social isolation
school refusal
suicidal thoughts
self-harm
defiance/disrespect
If you are interested or have any questions please contact Nicole Allen – START East group/family therapist at nicole.allen@fraserhealth.ca . The zoom link for all 8 sessions will be sent when you register. Sessions will be recorded and will be available to view for 48 hours.
This previous weekend I met up with a friend for dinner. We have been friends for a long time and though we drifted apart from each other at times we always re-connected. He and I became friends because we had so much in common and we stayed in touch because our life experiences often seemed to intersect. He and I are both parents of similar aged kids and we will occasionally get to together and talk about our many great, and sometimes not so great, adventures as parents. As we were talking this weekend I thought about how important those times are. How helpful it has been to me as a parent. The old adage, ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ is so very true.
This week I wanted to let you know about a resource I came across this weekend that might be helpful for some. Parenting support circles are really great, safe spaces to connect with other parents, share best practices, offer/receive tips from experts as well as other parents, and even make some friendships.
They also offer many parentings support circles in a variety of languages including Mandarin, Cantonese, Arabic, Korean, Spanish and Filipino. See the flyer below for more details and registration information.
This December Family Smart is offering a free workshop for families in our community. If you are interested in this workshop please see the link for registration in one of any of the five sessions listed.
ADHD – The Real Deal
Join us in watching a video by Dr. Duncan, who will dispel the many myths surrounding ADHD by presenting up to date scientific facts about cause, prevalence, diagnosis and treatment. He will explain how and why the ADHD brain works the way it does.
Come together with other families to watch this video presentation and stay for a facilitated discussion by a FamilySmart Parent Peer Support Worker.
Register here to register for one of the five sessions.
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