Hello Everyone,

When negative thoughts and feelings seem to take over, they can be really hard to let go. It seems like those negative thoughts are the only thing you can think about and as a result you are living in uncomfortable feelings throughout the day. Recently, a psychologist I follow wrote a description of negative feelings and the inner battle we have with them. I thought the analogy they used was a great way to put it, so I wanted to share it with you all.

If you are struggling with a feeling you don’t want to have, It’s like being in a constant tug of war. On the other end of that rope is a monster. The monster is all the thoughts and feelings you don’t want to have and between you and the monster is a big pit. You think that if you just fight hard enough that monster will fall into the pit and disappear forever. But you can’t win. You are exhausted but he’s going nowhere. If anything, the monster is edging you closer to the pit. The more you try to control them, the more they pull back. 

But what if there was another way? What if you let go of the rope and allow the monster (those negative feelings) to be there so that you can turn and focus on the things that matter most to you. Of course, the monster is still over there on the other side of the pit. However, you’re not so exhausted from trying to control him all the time and, as a result, the monster can’t control you either. 

So, how do we let go of the rope? It’s easy to say and hard to do. Some tips are:

1. Talk it out. Talking about the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that are bothering us is a great way of starting to let go of them. Talking about our feelings with a trusted person, or being that trusted person for our children, is a great way of processing and letting go.
2. Write it down – Journal writing is a great way of processing and letting go of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. The placing of these thoughts in paper is a symbolic way of allowing these thoughts and feelings to leave our body and live elsewhere.
3. Emotional Agility through Mindfulness – Here is a great article on this subject. I recommend taking the time to explore some of the great ideas the author brings up. https://www.mindful.org/feel-stuck-negative-emotions/

4. The Noting Technique – Though this video describes this as a way to deal with distraction while mediating, it also applies to negative feelings. It aligns us with the feeling accepting its existence, as opposed to in conflict with that feeling.

Life is filled of moments that don’t go how we hope. The negative thoughts and feelings that come with these moments are tough to manage. However, when we allow negative thoughts and feelings to exist and not struggle against them we take away some of their power. We can teach our children these techniques and allow them to consider that life brings uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.  More importantly that when they show up things can be okay, that they have the power to manage those thoughts and feelings, that they will be okay.

One great book for talking about this subject with our children is Trudy’s Rock Story by Trudy Spiller

 

Hello Everyone,

Earlier this year I was in a class room at story time. They were reading a book called Ruby Finds a Worry (see below). What I noticed was one particular student in the class was mesmerized by the story. As the teacher read the story she was asking thoughtful reflection questions of the students and the moment the teacher asked the question this student’s hand shot up into the air. She was so engaged by the story. What was obvious was that she looked physically similar to the main character and her reflections and comments were insightful and clearly made connections to the themes of the book. What was less obvious at first, but soon became clear, was how similar she felt to the main character.

Afterwards in private, the teacher exclaimed, that she was amazed because the student rarely was engaged in class and was very hesitant to offer her thoughts and feelings on any class activities. What struck me were two things. First, representation, being able to easily see aspects of ourselves represented in media, matters. Second, I was excited by how happy both the teacher and the student appeared to be. It was remarkable to me how this example clearly showed how “reading and discussing children’s books is an excellent way to invite children to identify the characters’ emotions and relate the characters’ experiences to their own (Roberts & Crawford 2008). Kids connect to story.

Daily reading with our children is an incredibly fun, important, and impactful activity. Reading is such a great way to build a bond between parent and child, improve literacy, and as a helpful part of a going to bed routine (see last weeks post). It is also a great way to build social emotional skills when the reading is paired with thoughtful questions and discussions (eg. How does the character feel right now? Have you ever felt like that? When? What did they do to make themselves feel better etc.)

So, today I thought I would share some of my favorite books. Though these are not the only ones, these are the books I find I pull off my shelf most often when I am working with kids.

The Bad Seed

The Bad Seed by Jory John is a picture book that promotes self-management, self-awareness and social awareness. It is a great book that all kids find fun and brings up themes that they can easily connect to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beautiful Oops 

 

Beautiful Oops by Barney Saltzberg is great for talking about growth mindset. That mistakes are how we grow and learn. It reframes mistakes or accidents not as things to be avoided but as opportunities.

 

 

 

The Invisible Boy

 

 

The Invisible Boy by Patrice Barton is great for having conversations about kindness, acceptance, and inclusion. It is beautiful illustrated and kids can really connect to these themes.

 

 

Sam’s Pet Temper

Sam’s Pet Temper by Sangeeta Bhadra and Marion Arbona is a great book for anyone who struggles with self-regulation and anger. It highlights that anger does not define who we are and can be managed. It is a great conversation starter for coping strategies for when there their Pet Temper shows up.

 

 

The Memory Tree

The Memory Tree by Britta Teckentrup is a wonderful book on a tough subject, death and grief. It is a wonderful story about fox who has recently died but still lives on in the lives and hearts of those who cared about him. Fox’s friends begin to gather in the clearing. One by one, they tell stories of the special moments that they shared with Fox. And so, as they share their memories, a tree begins to grow, becoming bigger and stronger with each memory, sheltering and protecting all the animals in the forest, just as Fox did when he was alive.

Ruby Finds a Worry

 

Ruby finds a Worry by Tom Percival is a great story about Ruby who is is an amazing young girl with one problem, she has found something to worry about. This book is the perfect springboard for talking to children about emotional intelligence and sharing hidden anxieties.

 

 

 

 

The Color Monster

The Color Monster by Anna Llenas is a really fun book that introduces young children to different feelings, how they feel in our bodies, and the topic of self-regulation.

 

 

 

 

 

Jabari Jumps

 

Jabari Jumps by Gaia Cornwall is an amazing book that is great for talking about anxieties, people who can support nervous feelings as well as perseverance and resilience.

 

 

 

 

 

Ping

 

Ping by Ani Castillo is an interesting book on a really important, if complicated, theme. Using the metaphor of the game of table tennis it introduces readers to the question of how we want to be around others. What do we want to put out into the world (kindness etc.) and what others may, or may not, give back to us.

 

 

 

When you are Brave

 

When you are Brave by Pat Zietlow Miller is one of my favorite books. It is beautifully illustrated and explores the themes of fear, worry and bravery.

 

 

 

Mr Flux

 

Mr. Flux by Kyo Maclear and Matte Stephens is a really interesting book that introduces the idea of flexible thinking in a unique way. It is great conversation starter for the idea that change can come in all kinds of different sizes and doesn’t have to be scary.

 

 

 

 

 

What do you do with a Problem?

 

What do you do with a Problem? by Kobi Yamada is a beautifully illustrated book to explore problems and the opportunities that they sometimes hide with your child.

 

 

 

 

 

Not Quite Narwhal 

 

Not Quite Narwhal by Jessie Sima is a story of a unicorn who is raised by a family of Narwhals. It is a fun and unique way to introduce the topic of diversity and difference.

 

 

 

 

 

Guts 

 

Guts by Raina Telgemeier is a popular graphic novel with slightly older themes. It is a book that late primary and intermediate students love. The author has written a funny and  true story about growing up and gathering the courage to face — and conquer — her fears.

 

 

 

 

The Book with no Pictures

The Book with no Pictures by BJ Novak is a silly book. I find it helpful for reluctant readers or just to have fun during your daily reading routine. Don’t let the title fool you, it is a book kids of all ages (and adults) will love.

 

 

 

 

Happy reading everyone, most all these books are available at your local library or most bookstores. As well, if you are looking for a book on a particular theme that isn’t highlighted here feel free to be in touch. I would be happy to help.

Hello Everyone,

We have all been there. Our kids woke up repeatedly during the night, we had a hard time going to sleep worrying about work the next day, or we decided that we wanted to watch just one more show on TV. There can be many reasons why we don’t get a good night sleep. You may have also experienced that the next day can certainly be more challenging. You may be slow to get the day started and are running behind and your mind might not be as quick as it usually is. All of which can be stressful and motivation and energy seems to be low. Moreover, you may feel yourself getting irritated easily. You are certainly not at your best.

The same is true for our kids. Without a good nights sleep school can be a real challenge. Research into sleep shows that over time, insufficient sleep impacts how a child feels, behaves and interacts with others and their world. Insufficient sleep can lead to challenges regulating their emotions and bodies, including increased hyperactivity and stress. Moreover, research has shown that an inability to regularly get the recommended sleep can lead to a decrease in one’s overall mental health.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you know?

• 1 in 4 children do not get the recommended sleep at night.
• 1 in 3 children have trouble going to sleep or staying asleep
• 1 in 5 children have difficulty staying awake during waking hours

So, how much sleep should our children be getting? Well, it depends on their age. For school aged children the recommended sleep time is 9-11 hours for children aged 5-13 years old and 8-10 hours for adolescents aged 14-17 years of age.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tips to help your child increase the quality and quantity of their sleep:

Establish a regular bedtime routine…..even on weekends

A child’s internal clock helps them to get sleepy and feel awake at specific times during the day.  If you allow your child to sleep in on the weekends, that will make it more difficult for your child to wake up at the regular time during the school week.  Similarly, if you allow your child to stay up late at night on weekends, they will have a harder time falling asleep at the regular bed time on school night.

Don’t do Anything Energizing Close to Bed

You want the child to relax, not get energized right before bed. So, wrestling, watching movies, and other high stimulation activities close to bedtime may make falling asleep more difficult.

Screen time 

Research has shown that screen time immediately before bed can result in sleep difficulties. Too much screen use (i.e. television, computer, mobile phone, video gaming device) in children has consistently been shown to delay bedtime and result in a shorter total sleep time. Exposure to bright light from television or computer screens close to bedtime may interfere with the body’s normal sleep-wake cycle by suppressing the production of the hormone melatonin. Using screens near bedtime (1 hour before) is also associated with poor sleep quality and daytime sleepiness.

Teach your Child how to Self-Soothe and fall Asleep Independently

Many parents  have different sleep goals here. So, this tip is applicable if your family sleep goal is independent sleep. If your goal is to have your child sleep in his/her own bed, then you need to help your child learn how to fall asleep without you present. If you are always present when your child falls asleep at night, your child will begin to depend on your presence to help him/her to fall asleep. Instead, put your child to bed when he/she is sleepy but has not yet fallen asleep and leave your child’s room before he/she falls asleep. This allows your child to associate sleepiness with their bed and also allows your child to learn to self-soothe.

Daily Physical Exercise 

Regular physical activity has a positive effect on sleep quality, including improving the time spent asleep versus awake in bed, decreasing the number of times children wake up each night, and increasing how rested they feel the next day.

Healthy Food and Beverages

Drinking caffeinated beverages can negatively affect children and adolescents’ sleep by increasing the time it takes them to fall asleep and decreasing the amount and quality of sleep they do get. Caffeine-containing drinks commonly consumed by children include pop, iced tea, and energy drinks.

Sleep challenges can be quite complicated. If you and your child are having difficulties meeting your sleep goals, reaching out to a family physician or counsellor who can assist you in your specific challenges might be an appropriate next step. If you would like help connecting to a therapist who specializes in sleep hygiene (high quality sleep) I would be happy to have a conversation with you and connect you to a trained sleep therapist. If you are curious the degree to which you have a sleep challenge, as well as what might be contributing to these challenges, a sleep diary may also be helpful. Logging the quantity and quality of your sleep over a 1-2 week period, as well as some other common contributing factors, can be very helpful in highlighting patterns and potential challenges to high quality sleep (eg. My child doesn’t get as much sleep on Mondays – may lead you to look at sleep habits on the previous weekend etc.)

Sleep Diary – Click here

There are LOTS of tips and tools for helping with sleep. Consulting a trained sleep expert is often a good step if healthy sleep habits are challenging to achieve. Some other sleep resources are:

 

My daughter and I made Good Night Yoga part of her sleep routine! She loved it and it was a great bonding experience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello Everyone,

This week I wanted to highlight a few free resources in our community that you may find useful.

Family Smart 

Family Smart is a local organization that has many useful resources for parents and their children. You may be familiar with their In the Know series of workshops, one of which I posted in last weeks blog. All of their workshops are offered free of charge to our community and are currently available as online discussion groups guided by trained facilitators.

Video Series – What you may not know is that Family Smart offers a library of videos with expert speakers on topics important to families who are parenting a child or youth with a mental health and/or substance use challenge or those working to support the mental health of children and youth.Topics include:

• Building Relationships between home and school
• Parenting when our children can’t go to school
• Parenting when anxiety shows up as anger
• Collaborative Problem Solving
• Parenting and ADHD
• Self Harm
• Video Gaming, Social Media Misuse, and other related digital addictions
• Plus many, many more.

The videos can be found here:

 

 

 

 

Kelty Mental Health Pocast

Kelty Mental Health and BC Children’s Hospital offers an exceptional podcast on a wide variety of topics. New topics are released regularly and there is a large catalogue of past episodes. The Where you Are podcast can be found at the link below or by downloading the podcast through Apple or Google Play.

 

 

 

 

Have a great week and happy listening!

Welcome back to school!

This winter break my family and I took advantage of the very few sunny days to hike the amazing trails of the north shore when we could. On one walk my son asked me about getting lost and how to find your way in the woods. I showed him our compass and how it worked. While we were talking, I was reminded of a lesson I was taught about orienteering, navigating using a compass. That lesson explained that a small change in your direction early in the journey, even by less than one degree, can result in a dramatic change in where you will end up. As we walked, I thought about the fact that the same is true when we want to make a change in our lives or help our children to make changes in their lives.

“Small changes can make huge destination differences.” — Sean Covey

As the New Year is a common time for making New Year’s resolutions, I thought I would write today about change. At New Years we often make goals for the upcoming year. This could look like a goal to eat healthier, read more, or exercise more often etc.. However, equally often we fail to meet these big resolutions and end up in a place where we fall into self-criticism.

So, how do we go about making permanent change in our lives? It is ultimately about establishing new habits.

First, most of the great things in our lives are the result of small changes repeated consistently. It is not about making one large dramatic change but about the purposeful formation and practice of a number of tiny habits. You take any new habit you want to make, and you scale it back so that it’s super-tiny. In the case of wanting to read more, that might mean read one paragraph. In the case of more exercise it might be taking the stairs instead of the escalator at the skytrain.  You make it so simple that it’s almost like you have no excuse not to do it. So even when you’re in a rush, you’re sick, or you’re distracted, it’s so tiny that you can still do it.

Second,  you find where it fits naturally in your existing routine. Ask yourself, what does this habit come after? For example, reading might come after you sit down on the skytrain. That might be the perfect time for you to open a book and read a paragraph. Now, you can read more if you want. That’s fine. But the habit is just tiny — you only do a paragraph if that’s all you want to do.

Third, in addition to making it tiny and then using an existing routine to remind you of it, is to hack your brain by calling up a positive emotion, by celebrating — whether that’s fist pumps, raising your arms, doing a little dance, singing your favorite song in your head. Whatever it is that helps you feel successful, that’s what will help wire in the habit.

The same is true when we are helping our children bring about change in their lives. Make tiny habits, find a time that naturally works for practicing this habit, and celebrate these moments with your child when they practice them.

I am hoping that you and your family have a wonderful 2021 and please find attached some additional resources about ‘tiny habits’.

 

I am also reposting the Burnaby Family Life workshops that are available this Spring as well as another valuable series from Kids in the Know on Self-harm that is also free of charge.

Hello Everyone,

I hope that you all are able to find some time to relax, have fun, and spend time with family this winter break. It will, of course, most likely look a little different than previous years and for many of us, this could be hard. In my family, we will be trying to get creative with how to connect with some members who we can’t see in person. I will also be spending time with my household and enjoying the amazing outdoors that Vancouver has to offer.  As with all things, I will be reminding myself that though changes such as these can be difficult they can also present opportunities.

In addition, this week I wanted to bring to your attention the Parenting programs at Burnaby Family Life. There are a wonderful assortment of programs (mostly all are FREE) that may benefit you and your family. Usually, these programs fill up quickly, so if you are interested please use the link below to see more information on each of these programs and links to register.

Burnaby Family Life –  Winter Parenting and Family Programs 

Hello Everyone,

When our kids play, a lot more is going on than it initially appears. That is because play is an essential part of a child’s development. Not only does it play a critical role in brain development but it also aids a child’s communication skills and their ability to self-regulate their emotions. Furthermore, play allows children to use their creativity while developing their imagination, dexterity, and physical strength. It is through play that children engage and interact with the world around them, how they work out complex social challenges, and have fun.

Play also has the power to transform a conflict ridden relationship between parent and child into a collaborative one that facilitates the development of these skills. Moreover, play can place you, the parent, in a positive and fun role.

Today I’m going to focus on using the power of play to connect and bond with your child.

The Power of Play for Bonding, Connecting and Teaching Emotional Intelligence

Play is a child’s language and therefore it is up to us to create opportunities to engage in play with our child every single day.  Now, I don’t mean that you have to play blocks or restaurant for 30 minutes every single day but hopefully we can continue to find opportunities, even on busy days, to play together. Slowing down and focussing on the play (vs what we ‘should ‘ be doing) benefits not only the child but the adult as well.

When Play is Child-Driven

When play is allowed to be child driven, children have opportunities to practice decision-making skills. They are allowed to move at their own pace, discover their own areas of interest, and ultimately to engage with things they find fun and are passionate about.  Ideally, much of play involves adults, but when play is controlled by adults, children acquiesce to adult rules and concerns and lose some of the benefits play offers them, particularly in developing creativity, leadership, and group skills.

The Benefits of Roughhousing

When we roughhouse with our kids, we model for them how someone bigger and stronger holds back. We teach them self-control, fairness, and empathy. We let them win, which gives them confidence and demonstrates that winning isn’t everything. We show them how much can be accomplished by cooperation and how to constructively channel competitive energy so that it doesn’t take over.

~ Anthony DeBenedet and Lawrence Cohen

There are many benefits to roughhousing. Examples of this might be pillow fights, play wrestling, piggy-back rides, jumping on a trampoline together etc.

• Roughhousing creates laughter which releases tension/anger/anxiety and increases Oxytocin – the natural chemical of bonding and connection

• Roughhousing teaches children to manage their aggression (think of puppies and how they love to play fight and how much this teaches them about handling aggression) as they self-monitor their own power

• Roughhousing increases emotional intelligence as one has to be constantly reading the other person’s expressions to figure out the next best move and if this is still a fun activity for both people

Remember as a parent, we need to hold back on our own strength and empower our children through roughhousing, not make them feel worse by holding them in a headlock.

Activities for Playfully Connecting with your children

Imaginative play – Can take various forms. Get in there and share an imagination.

Creation – Explore your child’s creativity, building and creating. Letting them control the creation provides opportunities to problem solve and explore alternatives.

Outdoor Play – Explore the natural world that Burnaby has to offer…… together.

For Older Children:

Sports activities – throwing a baseball, football  or frisbee back and forth, basketball, soccer, street hockey, skiing, biking etc.

Rec. room games – foosball, ping pong, darts, air hockey etc.

Traditional Card Games – Crib, Uno etc.

Board Games/Card Games/Video Games –We have to be careful here and I am not a proponent of hours and hours of video games but if this is a way that you and your child connect, then it is valuable as long as the time is monitored

Cooking/Baking

Woodworking/Carpentry/Construction

Sewing/Crafts/Knitting/Felting

Anything else that you can think of that brings you both joy!

Some resources to explore:

 

Hello Everyone,

Change is difficult. It can be difficult because this change, the situation we are about to enter into, might not be going how we expected it to go. We had prepared ourselves for an experience and then that experience changed or didn’t even happen. For example, on the drive to work today I was planning on taking the highway for an early meeting. I thought to myself, that I needed to leave at a particular time to get there on time and I even imagined myself sipping my coffee and having a relaxing drive, arriving to work with lots of time for my meeting. I am sure you can see where this is going. I arrived at the on-ramp and there was a traffic jam. I was immediately flooded with feelings of frustration because how I imagined my morning would go suddenly seemed impossible. 

For children, a change in routine or the expected can be especially difficult. This week I wanted to highlight a skill (Flexible Thinking) to help you and your child when unexpected change comes up.

What is Flexible Thinking?

Flexible thinking is the ability to shift thinking or attention in response to a switch in rules, or to new or unexpected situations.

Why is Flexible Thinking important?

Here is another driving analogy I borrowed from a colleague. Imagine driving without your GPS and you reach a “road closed” sign; you have no idea where you are or where to go next. You might get angry and consider taking the closed road regardless. You might panic about what to do next and call someone for help. Or you might simply sit there flummoxed. These are the feelings a child with a flexible thinking challenge may experience when asked to find another way to solve a problem or move to a new, unfamiliar situation—a combination of confusion, anger at the injustice, and panic. The specific response is very dependent on the child’s personality. It may appear, at first, like a child is being stubborn or difficult when in reality they are desperately struggling to cope with things not going as expected. They are stuck in how things should be or how we expected them to be. This is often called fixed or stuck thinking.

If you’re a flexible thinker, you consider a range of different possible consequences of your actions rather than only considering an optimistic view or only considering a pessimistic view.

Optimism vs. Pessimism

For example, if you’re thinking about switching from one job to another, you wouldn’t only consider the likely upsides or the likely downsides, you’d consider both.

If you know you tend to be too optimistic or too pessimistic, you factor this in when you’re thinking about things, as a reminder to yourself to consider the other side of the coin.

1. Avoid using words that indicate only one good option or outcome. Examples include words such as never, always, won’t, or can’t. There are certainly instances when it makes sense to use these words, but it’s important to recognize that their regular inclusion in our thought processes may decrease the potential for flexible thinking.
2. Be careful about placing high value on particular things, people, and situations while denying the potential value of others. Placing certain items, individuals, or outcomes on a pedestal while dismissing or minimizing the value of alternatives runs the risk of leaving you very few acceptable options. The feeling that we have no other options when something doesn’t work out can lead to hopelessness.
3. Remember that our circumstances are often temporary. Attaching too much significance to specific events and thinking of outcomes as permanent can make us feel trapped. It can decrease our ability to be resilient because we either believe the best of life is behind us or we feel powerless to find ways to improve our situation. Instead, we should acknowledge our feelings while reminding ourselves that situations will change, and we can work to change them

Here Are 5 Ways To Teach, Practice and Grow Flexible Thinking

1. Be A Flexible Role Model: In order to teach flexible thinking, you need to live flexible thinking.  In other words, you need to demonstrate flexible thinking in front of your students.
I’m sure you do a lot of flexible thinking during the day, the key is to not keep it a secret!  Let the kids know and highlight these situations when they come up.

For example, if you are trying to present a lesson on the white board and you want a red marker, but only have black, be flexible and use the black….but TELL the kids what you are doing.  This is very simple but is a great and very easy opportunity to model flexible thinking.

2. Create Opportunities: Provide lots of opportunities to practice being flexible.  If you set your home or classroom up so that there is no room for change, it will be difficult for children to practice flexible thinking.

3. Reward Flexible Thinking: When you see it, reward it! A quick compliment can go a long way.  You can also highlight the situation so that other children can learn from the situation.

4. Offer Alternatives Frequently: Offer alternative to how to do things, say things, or use things as often as possible.  This will help children to see how to be flexible and to see the value in thinking flexibly.

5. Explicit Teaching: Play games and engage in activities that teach flexible thinking. It’s fun!

Here are some flexible thinking resources that I wanted to highlight this week:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is one last video of flexible thinking in action. Enjoy and have a great day.

Hello Everyone,

Generally, kids do well when they can. When they fall short of their goals it is often because they lack the skills to do so, not because they don’t want to do well. These two thoughts are the central tenets of the Dr. Ross Greene (Collaborative and Proactive Solutions) approach to responding to challenging behaviours.

Challenging behaviours are ones that emerge when the demands or expectations of the person exceed their skills or abilities.  Children tell us with their behaviours when they’re struggling to meet demands and expectations. Commonly, this may look like, whining, pouting, sulking, withdrawing, crying, screaming, swearing, hitting, spitting, kicking, throwing, lying, stealing etc.. However, what a kid does when they are having trouble meeting demands and expectations isn’t the most important part (though it may feel that way). What is ultimately more important for the child and those supporting them are why and when they are doing these things. Answering these two questions (why and when) is critical to supporting children, particularly when they are involved in challenging behaviours.

This week I wanted to highlight a number of resources that may assist you and your child when challenging behaviours show up. Dr Ross Greene has produced an ongoing podcast which has a lot of great information and tips for supporting and working through challenging behaviours with your child. Moreover, it examines the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions Model as well as tips for assessing the why’s and when’s associated with your child’s challenging behaviours.  The podcast is developed in association with Lives in the Balance and can be found on ITunes or by clicking on the image below:

 

 

 

Dr.Greene has also written a number of great books on the subject that are well worth exploring. These books are available from your local library and most book sellers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr Greene also has a Youtube channel that can be located at:

https://www.youtube.com/user/DrRossGreene/videos

You are not alone. Besides actively collaborating with school staff, parenting groups are a great way to maintain your own mental health while collaborating with other parents and expert group facilitators. In these groups you can expect to share best practices, tips, and explore ways to help your child develop their skills. One FREE local parenting group is the CONNECT parenting group (currently operating online). Information on future meeting times and contacts in Burnaby and the Lower Mainland can be found here:

Connect Parenting Group 

Have a great week!

Hello Everyone,

My four year old daughter is learning to tie her shoes. This weekend, as we were leaving the house, she  said to me that she will never be able to get it. How often do we hear this sort of thing from our kids (I am not good at _______, I will never be able to _________, I am not a math ‘person’ etc). What we are hearing is an example of a fixed mindset, the belief that our abilities cannot change. The development of a growth mindset, the belief that our abilities can change is an essential skill for children and adults alike and one that teachers in school spend a great deal of time nurturing. Furthermore,the effects of holding these two differing mindsets are dramatic.

 

If we believe we can not change our innate abilities, these beliefs lead to a loss of confidence, depressive feelings, and a desire to not try in the future. Of course, with a growth mindset the opposite is also true.

We don’t, however, have either a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. It’s not an either/or thing. Sometimes we have more of a fixed mindset and sometimes we have more of a growth mindset and a lot of things can affect this. So, the question becomes, how can we promote a growth mindset more often?

Language – Language is so important. Imagine how these statements feel different –

“I can’t do this” vs “I can’t do this…..yet“.

or in my case

“I am bad at tying my shoes!” with the response “We can learn to tie our shoes together, _______ showed me when I was your age”

There are some subtle uses of language here that have a profound impact on how we feel. The use of ‘yet’ is powerful in that it implies change is possible. Moreover, in the second example the use of ‘we’ instead of ‘you’ implies that change is collaborative and supportive. In other words, we can help support their learning and that growth is possible.

Celebrate Mistakes

Often in schools we celebrate mistakes and here language is important too. If mistakes are to be feared and avoided it leads to a reluctance to try new things, insecurity, and low self-esteem. However, if we highlight that mistakes are how we learn and grow  our kids will be more willing to try new things even if they are hard.

Adult Modelling 

Our children are watching us. They notice our feelings, as well as what we say and do. If they see us modelling a growth mindset they are more apt to embrace this mentality as we are showing them how. Most importantly, though, we are also showing them it is possible.

Some resources to support Growth Mindset are: