Hello Everyone,
When our kids play, a lot more is going on than it initially appears. That is because play is an essential part of a child’s development. Not only does it play a critical role in brain development but it also aids a child’s communication skills and their ability to self-regulate their emotions. Furthermore, play allows children to use their creativity while developing their imagination, dexterity, and physical strength. It is through play that children engage and interact with the world around them, how they work out complex social challenges, and have fun.
Play also has the power to transform a conflict ridden relationship between parent and child into a collaborative one that facilitates the development of these skills. Moreover, play can place you, the parent, in a positive and fun role.
Today I’m going to focus on using the power of play to connect and bond with your child.
The Power of Play for Bonding, Connecting and Teaching Emotional Intelligence
Play is a child’s language and therefore it is up to us to create opportunities to engage in play with our child every single day. Now, I don’t mean that you have to play blocks or restaurant for 30 minutes every single day but hopefully we can continue to find opportunities, even on busy days, to play together. Slowing down and focussing on the play (vs what we ‘should ‘ be doing) benefits not only the child but the adult as well.
When Play is Child-Driven
When play is allowed to be child driven, children have opportunities to practice decision-making skills. They are allowed to move at their own pace, discover their own areas of interest, and ultimately to engage with things they find fun and are passionate about. Ideally, much of play involves adults, but when play is controlled by adults, children acquiesce to adult rules and concerns and lose some of the benefits play offers them, particularly in developing creativity, leadership, and group skills.
The Benefits of Roughhousing
When we roughhouse with our kids, we model for them how someone bigger and stronger holds back. We teach them self-control, fairness, and empathy. We let them win, which gives them confidence and demonstrates that winning isn’t everything. We show them how much can be accomplished by cooperation and how to constructively channel competitive energy so that it doesn’t take over.
~ Anthony DeBenedet and Lawrence Cohen
There are many benefits to roughhousing. Examples of this might be pillow fights, play wrestling, piggy-back rides, jumping on a trampoline together etc.
- Roughhousing creates laughter which releases tension/anger/anxiety and increases Oxytocin – the natural chemical of bonding and connection
- Roughhousing teaches children to manage their aggression (think of puppies and how they love to play fight and how much this teaches them about handling aggression) as they self-monitor their own power
- Roughhousing increases emotional intelligence as one has to be constantly reading the other person’s expressions to figure out the next best move and if this is still a fun activity for both people
Remember as a parent, we need to hold back on our own strength and empower our children through roughhousing, not make them feel worse by holding them in a headlock.
Activities for Playfully Connecting with your children
Imaginative play – Can take various forms. Get in there and share an imagination.
Creation – Explore your child’s creativity, building and creating. Letting them control the creation provides opportunities to problem solve and explore alternatives.
Outdoor Play – Explore the natural world that Burnaby has to offer…… together.
For Older Children:
Sports activities – throwing a baseball, football or frisbee back and forth, basketball, soccer, street hockey, skiing, biking etc.
Rec. room games – foosball, ping pong, darts, air hockey etc.
Traditional Card Games – Crib, Uno etc.
Board Games/Card Games/Video Games –We have to be careful here and I am not a proponent of hours and hours of video games but if this is a way that you and your child connect, then it is valuable as long as the time is monitored
Cooking/Baking
Woodworking/Carpentry/Construction
Sewing/Crafts/Knitting/Felting
Anything else that you can think of that brings you both joy!
Some resources to explore:
Thank you for reminding us as parents, the importance of play “plays” in our daily routine. I sometime forget that I have to let my kiddo win because I always have so much fun in playing together and I respect my kiddo as a “fair” opponent. I guess we adults learn a lot in playing too.