Month: April 2020

Lisa Dion, play therapist and founder of Synergetic Play Therapy, has some helpful tips for parents about talking to their kids about COVID 19. In fact, this video is helpful for any parent who wants to learn some of the foundational principals for talking about any difficult matter!

There can be many gifts and challenges with the extra time families are sharing under a single roof during this pandemic. One moment you might feel fortunate for the new ways you’re getting to know one another, while the next you may be wringing your hands in anger and desperately trying to get your personal space. One thing is for certain, it can be a roller-coaster of emotions: both the pleasant and the unpleasant ones!

Sibling relationships, like relationships between partners and other folks living in the home, have likely changed a lot. Siblings are spending more time together than usual, “schooling” under the same roof, caring for each other while parents work from home, and/or drawing from each other for the social contact they’re used to getting from same-age peers at school or in childcare settings. There may be additional stressors for kids when they bear witness to the “adult problems” that can spill over into the shared living space in ways they didn’t before.

Here are a few ideas that might help:

Ideas for preventing excessive sibling conflict:

• Build time in the day for each child to have alone time and unstructured playtime with each other (e.g. it might mean they make a mess, but it’ll also help them release some of their relational energy in healthy ways).
• Keep kids learning with structured activities (school and hobby related) that stimulate them mentally
• Make sure you’re getting outside daily for some fresh air and exercise, even if it’s just a walk around the block
• Once a week, if you can, have one-on-one time with each child and just listen to their thoughts and feelings (remember: listening and validating doesn’t have to mean agreeing…but this isn’t a time for arguing). Let the child choose the activity if you can.
• Create opportunities for children to connect with same-age peers for social chatting using video, audio or text platforms.
• Make sure you, as the caregiver, are getting healthy outlets for your stress too! Model kindness to yourself and other family members much as you can.
• This is a daunting list: remind yourself all the time that you’re doing the best you can and don’t sweat the small stuff.

What to do when there’s conflict:

• There’s a time to let the kids “sort it out” on their own, but please, intervene if there is violence or name-calling/put-downs
• Stop the conflict and set “ground rules” to “keep the conflict safe” for everyone (e.g. no name-calling or hitting). Say: “can you both agree to this so we can keep the conflict safe and work toward a solution together?”
• Model and teach the kids how to name the problem without blaming (e.g. we don’t agree whose turn it is vs. Sammy stole the toy!)
• Validate feelings (e.g. I can see this is making you both feel angry)
• Brainstorm solutions together (e.g. What could we try that might solve this problem?)
• Praise them (& yourself!) for working through the difficult emotions!
• It won’t work perfectly, but keep trying!

Remember, there’s help available if family conflict is getting in the way of people’s ability to feel safe in the home. Please connect with me by email or by clicking on the link to the right for a video or phone appointment.