At the age your child is at, it is hard to imaging that they will be an adult in the not too distant future. As parents, our responsibility is to ensure that our children will be ready to take on whatever adulthood brings for them. Whether your child is ready or not, that day will inevitably present itself. Therefore, we (parents) must ensure that our children are armed with the essential foundations that will help carry them throughout their adulthood.

To put things into perspective, childhood lasts from birth to eighteen years of age. During those eighteen years, there are a few stages of development (infancy, toddler, childhood, adolescence). Regardless of whether they are ready or not, they will be adults at age 18. As parents, our support for our children lasts our lifetime, but your child has to take responsibilities for their actions once they have reached the age of 18. If your child lives to be 100 years old, those first 18 years (18% of their life) must carry them for the remaining 82 years (82% of their life). If they live to be 90 years old, those first 18 years (20% of their life) must carry them for the remaining 72 years (80% of their life). If they live to be 80 years old, the first 18 years (22% of their life) must carry them for the remaining 62 years (78% of their life). Keeping these ratios in mind, this means that the basic foundational skills they learn in the first part of their life (childhood) needs to be solid so they can do well throughout their lifetime.

The essential foundations necessary to become productive and do well in life are skills such as demonstrating responsibility, maintaining an open mindset (growth mindset), perspective taking, being confident with the choices they make, showing respectful behaviour towards others, and being resilient. However, being able to do these skills does not happen magically. Instead, they are skills that have to be encouraged, nurtured, and practiced many, many times. By allowing our child the opportunities, no matter how small (holding their own backpack, doing chores around the house, picking up after themselves) begins the process of building these essential skills. Yes, it is easier (and faster) as adults to do these instead of waiting for your child to do it, but in essence you are taking away a learning opportunity from your child. It’s easier for us to do it because we have done them so many times, but what is this teaching your child? Even ensuring that we arrive to school on time everyday is helping to practice arriving on time for work, events, or engagements we have made with acquaintances.

Without experiencing the whole situation, there is an unclear understanding of what can happen and what natural consequences may occur, be it positive or negative. Safety is always paramount so if safety is not an issue, allow your child the opportunity to experience it rather than taking or robbing them of that experience. If we are always navigating and resolving an issues they encounter, how will they know how to handle it if it happens again? Further, natural consequences such as having to wait, disagreements with others, losing a game, or things not going the way we had wanted or expected are things that happen in life. If our children have not encountered these kinds of ‘hiccups’ as a child, what will  happen when something more serious occurs when they are older? Being able to navigate the small bumps helps us to gain experience and strengthen our problem solving skills. As parents, we can help our child navigate what to do by giving suggestions and encouragement, but we should not do it for them. Again, if safety is not an issue, allow your child to experience the opportunity. After all, “experience is your best teacher”.

Finally, we need to role model the behaviour we want to see in our child. Keeping this in mind, as part of our development children are born to watch and hear things. From there, we copy and mimic everything we see and hear. As we grow older, we use our learned knowledge to progress. Children’s hearing is really sharp when they are little and therefore hear many things, even the things we think they cannot hear. If we are whispering, they tend to listen more carefully as they know they shouldn’t be listening. Therefore, your child is listening and watching what you say and do, so role model the behaviour you want to see in your child.