At the age your child is at, it is hard to imaging that they will be an adult in the not too distant future. As I mentioned at the Parents As Partners open house, our responsibility as parents is to ensure that our children will be ready to take on whatever adulthood brings for them. Whether your child is ready or not, that day will inevitably present itself. Therefore, we (parents) must ensure that our children are armed with the essential foundations that will help carry them throughout their adulthood.

Reiterating what I showed you on one of my slides during the presentation, childhood lasts from birth to eighteen years of age. During those eighteen years, there are a few stages of development that our children will experience (infancy, toddler, childhood, adolescence). Regardless of whether they are ready or not, they will be adults at age 18. As parents, our support for our children lasts our lifetime and we will always be their parents. However, your child will have to take responsibility for their actions once they have reached the age of 18, which can be positive or negative. We can help them to navigate  what to do but ultimately they will have to take responsibility for their actions. Remember that if your child lives to be 100 years old, those first 18 years (18% of their life) must carry them for the remaining 82 years (82% of their life). If they live to be 90 years old, those first 18 years (20% of their life) must carry them for the remaining 72 years (80% of their life). If they live to be 80 years old, the first 18 years (22% of their life) must carry them for the remaining 62 years (78% of their life). This means that the basic foundational skills they learn in the first part of their life (childhood) needs to be solid so they can do well throughout their lifetime.

The essential foundations necessary to become productive and do well in life are skills such as demonstrating responsibility, maintaining an open mindset (growth mindset), perspective taking, being confident with the choices they make, showing respectful behaviour towards others, and being resilient. However, being able to do these skills does not happen magically. Instead, they are skills that have to be encouraged, nurtured, and practiced many, many times as they grow older. By allowing our child the opportunities, no matter how small (holding their own backpack, doing chores around the house, picking up after themselves) begins the process of building these essential skills. Yes, it is easier (and faster) for adults to do these instead of waiting for your child to do it, but in essence you are taking away a learning opportunity from your child. It is  easier for us to do it because we have done them so many times, but what is this teaching your child? Even ensuring that we arrive to school on time everyday is helping to practice arriving on time for work, events, or engagements we have made with acquaintances.

Without experiencing the whole situation, there is an unclear understanding of what can happen and what natural consequences may occur, be it positive or negative. As I mentioned, safety is always paramount but if safety is not an issue, allow your child the opportunity to experience it rather than taking or robbing them of that experience. If we are always navigating and resolving an issues they encounter, how will they know how to handle it if it happens again? Further, natural consequences such as having to wait, disagreements with others, losing a game, or things not going the way we had wanted or expected are things that happen in life frequently. If our children have not encountered these kinds of ‘hiccups’ as a child, what will  happen when they encounter something more serious when they are older? Being able to navigate the small bumps helps us to gain experience and strengthen our problem solving skills. This is how we build resilience. As parents, we can help our child navigate what to do by giving suggestions and encouragement, but we should not do it for them. Again, if safety is not an issue, allow your child to experience the opportunity. After all, “experience is your best teacher”.

Finally, role modeling the behaviour we want to see in our child is extremely important. Watching and mimicking others is a part child development that happens to all of us. We are born to watch and hear things and copy  and mimic everything we see and hear. This is how we learn to do things. As we grow older, we use our learned knowledge to progress and we continue to acquire new knowledge by following what we see and hear. As I said in my presentation, children’s hearing is really sharp when they are little and therefore they can hear many things, even when we think they cannot hear. Please be mindful of what you say and do  as your child is listening and watching what you say and do. Therefore, please role model the behaviour you want to see in your child. Further, another reason to role model desired behaviour is if you tell them to do something and you do not follow what you are asking them to do, they will lose trust in you and that would be tragic.