Anxiety as Anger
There are a lot of studies that connect anxiety and depression, but there are more and more eyes turning towards the relationship between anger and anxiety. Bernard Golden summarizes Anger and Anxiety below:
While anger and anxiety are two distinct emotions, like all emotions they provide us with information about ourselves—if only we can take time to listen to them. And, while distinct, they can interact in a variety of ways that may exacerbate anxiety, anger, or both:
Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something we perceive as responsible for our suffering. It is most often past-oriented—about something that we believe “should” have happened or something we believe should not have happened…When constructively managed, [anger] can help fuel our capacity to assertively express ourselves and provide us the motivation to correct a wrong.
Anxiety is marked by bodily tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes. Quite often, anxiety is a reaction to not feeling in control of oneself and or one’s surroundings. Anxiety is most often about the future, encompassing free-floating tension about something happening even when it is ill-defined. [Anxiety is often accompanied by avoidance, avoidance used to escape the discomfort of feelings like anxiety, shame, guilt, inadequacy.]However, anxiety can be beneficial as it can motivate us… [There has to be a healthy balance.] Too much can be paralyzing, while too little can inhibit taking action.
Research in recent years has focused on finding more specific ways in which anger and anxiety interact. One study concluded that being prone to anger was often associated with experienced anxiety (Jha, Fava, et. al., 2020). Additionally, it showed that those with depression, accompanied by irritability and anxiety, were more likely to have anger attacks than those with just depression alone.
As a school counsellor, we see both anger and anxiety at school. School is a place where frustrations bubble up! “I can’t do it!” or ” I don’t WANT to try again! Leave me alone!”. As teachers and caring adults, we often know that this anger is coming on the heels of self doubt or stress over learning. Thinking about anger and why it arises is an important part of understanding what is going on for our kids. We can have a more holistic and nuanced approach to supporting student learning and well being when we are able better understand the complexity of their emotional experience and the way it plays out in their behaviour.
Family Smarts is a local resource that offers incredible supports to parents. They have trainings in support of family functioning and child and youth mental health, and they also have very accessible monthly resources in the form of videos and podcasts and tipsheets. Below is a video on from their In the Know webinar series called Parenting When Anxiety Shows Up as Anger. The video is about 40 minutes, could be viewed or listened to as a podcast, and covers a conversation between a parent and a highly trained clinician.
As a mother and a counsellor, a big take away from this video is that it is important not only to teach our children about the depth and range of feelings/emotions and where they feel that in their body, but also to examine what is coming up for me in my parenting role and how I can be honest with myself and with my child about what is happening in my body, with my feelings, and what I do to cope in a healthy way. What am I modelling? The video left me motivated to help my kid and our students to separate out their anxiety and anger from their idea of themselves so that they are not carrying a double burden of shame. How can we get kids the tools that they need to cope? In the words of Daniel Siegel, let’s start with naming it to tame it, and prioritize the relationship and attachment by spending more time in the repair than in the rupture.
Be well.
References
Golden, B. (2020) How do Anger and Anxiety Interact? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/overcoming-destructive-anger/202004/how-do-anger-and-anxiety-interact.
Jha, M., Fava, M., Minhajuddin, A., et. al. (2020). Anger attacks are associate with persistently elevated irritability and moderate depressive disorder. Psychological Medicine Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291720000112.
